4 posts tagged “marriage”

The writer of a parenting blog I frequent often recently announced she is getting a divorce. She was actually in the final stages of her divorce when she made the announcement and had initiated the process a year earlier, but upon legal advice she had kept the news hidden from her blog readers. When I read her announcement I was surprised at the level of sadness I had upon learning of this. I was particularly struck to learn that this year would have been her nine year anniversary. My husband and I celebrated our nine year anniversary this year. I don't know anything about her marriage or her husband. I can only assume that her experience of marriage has been strikingly different from my own.

She writes an advice column. Her parenting advice and compassion has at times been invaluable to me. I have come to have high regard for her judgement. I know nobody is perfect and we all have flaws. However, as much as I hate to admit it, the news of her divorce really makes me feel disillusioned about her judgement. I don't know, I'm still processing my thoughts on that one. I just can't imagine what is going on in her life that she would choose, initiate even, a divorce from her spouse. It's sad.  

I have a MySpace page that is mainly used to lightly keep in touch with people I went to high school with. When I first started to reconnect with those people I was immediately struck by how many people were divorced. How are so many people getting this marriage thing wrong, yet some how I'm seemingly "getting it right"?

I feel like Forrest Gump. I didn't come from a home that taught me what marriage was supposed to be like. I was raised by a single mother who often had relationship troubles herself. I married when I was 21 and had no idea what I was doing, much less what marriage was all about. Now closing in on 10 years I wonder where the time went. I can't say that I'm totally oblivious when it comes to my marriage. I do try to be kind and compassionate to my spouse, but by no means am I shining example of a thoughtful spouse.

I did go into my marriage with the understanding that this is the person I'm choosing for life and it's basically this person or no one else. And I married someone who shares that view. Does that make all the difference? I mean, I've known other people to at least give lip service to that idea. Maybe they did really believe it. I don't know. Then later I find that they have gone their separate ways.  

I'm not sure where I'm going with this, except to say that since being married for just shy of 10 years and really getting to understand first hand what two becoming one flesh means, I now have a deeper understanding of how sad and gut wrenching divorce must be. It's easy to see it as nothing more than a breakup when you are young and have experienced nothing but dating,  but divorce is a loss so much more profound and it's so sad. Even though divorce is statistically common it American society, I just can't help but to be sad to hear of one more divorce. 

I saw this perspective meme-- at Heidi's blog and thought I'd give it a go. I had to write out the years to keep it all straight in my head.

2008 One week ago --
I was getting ready for Thanksgiving
Looking forward to my husband having a week off from work

2007 One year ago --
I was three months pregnant with Emma.

2006 Two years ago --
I was five months pregnant with Micah.
I had just found out that I was having a boy.
We had recently decided to move into our current house.

2005
2004

2003 Five years ago --
I was six months pregnant with Joel.

2002
2001
2000
1999

1998 Ten years ago --
I was engaged to my husband.

It pretty much hits all the highlights and glosses right over the years of infertility. Until I did this, I didn't realize I was already five years removed from the thick of it. I don't understand it all, to look at this I look like the most fertile person ever, baby after baby after baby.   And maybe I am now, I don't know, but those years of infertility and a miscarriage are seared on my consciousness. It changed how I conceptualized my family and the world around me. I'd like to think, and I guess I do believe that I am a better person having gone through it, but even believing that, I can't say that I would ever choose for myself or anyone else to have to go through years of infertility. 

Show us something you hold dear.
Submitted by Cindercone.

My Boys

Marriage