22 posts tagged “kids”

This year's Thanksgiving day was really nice. Unlike last year where I felt completely drained and inadequate by the end of the day, this year I feel calm and content at the end of the day. I'm really trying to take the holiday season on my own terms this year and not get sucked into (perceived or real) outside expectation of how I should feel and celebrate. This seems to be a much better approach for me. I realize this holiday angst is probably not an issue for lots of other people, but it is for me, and so I'm working on it.

My kids were really good today, which was such as a contrast to last year. I was good too. I didn't get frustrated, or speak in a frustrated, exasperated tone. I didn't have to repeat myself a bunch of times to get my kids to follow instructions. You know how you just have those days where everything falls into place (and those other days where nothing falls into place)? Well, this was an in place day. Emma was the only one who was even a little cranky and clingy, but she's still battling a cold. Even so, she was still pretty good. Good day.

Yesterday I handed my two-year-old son a one dollar bill to put in the offering plate at church. As he took the bill from me, he opened it up, pointed at the center picture and pronounced "Mama." Yup, that's just the look I've been going for all these years: our founding father and first president, George Washington.

My children in general are what most would call "good sleepers." From the one-year-old to the four-year-old, they all sleep through the night in their own rooms. Every afternoon they all take a nap at the same time. I'm not entirely sure if this is something I've influenced through parenting, or if it's just in the genes. Perhaps some combination of both. Just in case I've managed to stumble upon some things I've done which may have helped my children sleep better, here are some of my practices and philosophies on sleep. As always feel free to take or leave any of the thoughts you read here and do what works best for your family.

I don't sleep train. Now, I may be training them in my own way, but I've never done a "by the numbers" style of little by little getting my children to sleep through the night. It's a lot more fluid and intuitive for me.

For newborns I don't care where you sleep as long as you sleep. I would hope it goes without saying that I don't care where a newborn sleeps as long as it is a safe place, but there I said it. What I mean is that I place a greater premium on developing sleep rhythms rather than the habit of sleeping in a certain place. I don't deliberately try to get them to sleep in non-traditional places, I just don't stress over them not sleeping in their crib, cradle or wherever they're "supposed" to be sleeping. All my children spent most of their early months sleeping in a Fisher-Price cradle swing. God bless the designers of that wonderful contraption.

I think sleep begets sleep. I've never been a fan of the philosophy that says you should keep a baby or young child up during the day to help them sleep at night. I think if you let a child get the sleep they need during the day, they will naturally find the normal human rhythm of mostly sleeping at night and mostly being awake during the day. Although I have been known to try to keep a child awake for a fifteen minute car ride until we get home for nap time.

We use comfort objects. All my kids have been big fans of pacifiers and blankets. I'm not necessarily endorsing or denouncing their use. I understand there are pros and cons regarding the use of comfort objects. I'm just saying this is what we do, and it may have contributed to my kids developing sleep habits that are easier on mommy.  

We co-sleep. I freely admit that my thoughts on co-sleeping entirely revolve around finding what practices help mommy stay most sane. In those early months especially, I find that both mommy and baby get more sleep if we're in the same room together. I put a portable crib in our room and allow the baby to sleep next to me while they nurse. I usually fall asleep while this is going on. If I happen to wake up and notice the baby's not nursing, I'll move the baby into the portable crib.

I don't expect little babies to sleep through the night any time soon. In my view that just cause heartache and frustration. I gear myself up for interrupted sleep for the long haul and then am always pleasantly surprised at how "soon" they start sleeping longer stretches.

When I have a newborn I always nap with the newborn during afternoon nap time. Newborns sleep on and off throughout the day, but I always try to make afternoon nap time part of their normal rhythm by lying down with them. Not to mention with a newborn mommy needs the sleep too.

I move kids into their own room when it's no longer working for me. That usually happens around nine to twelve months for us. This is an entirely intuitive thing. Basically, when I feel like my child and I are loosing more sleep than gaining by sharing a room I move the kid out. Around this time my kids are usually taking two regular naps during the day, a morning and afternoon nap. When I start to get the idea that the kid should probably move out soon I start to have them take the morning nap in their own room. So far moving out has never been a big transition for us. Just one night they're sleeping in our room and the next night they sleep in their own room.

In general my philosophies on sleep revolve around doing what will make mommy most sane. I try to give myself realistic expectations while at the same time maintain boundaries for my own sanity. 

I confess, I'm a bit of a large family junkie. Do you parent lots of kids (like eight, ten or more)? If so, I'm totally interested in reading, watching or otherwise hearing about your life. I guess I kind of hope to have a larger family some day. At the moment I seem to be heading in that direction. I have three, and as much as I try, I just can't imagine being done having children. By today's standards, four is definitely in the large family realm.

So in a random search I came across a mom of eight kids and began reading through her blog. As I was reading through I came across a link in one of her comments to a site called Raising Godly Tomatoes. It's funny, I almost didn't click through, but I'm so glad I did. Raising Godly Tomatoes is a treasure trove of parenting advice. I just couldn't stop reading. It was only because I read into the wee hours of the morning that I forced myself to take a break.

Raising Godly Tomatoes offers refreshingly practical advice on parenting and it focuses on small children, which I love. Elizabeth Krueger's advice is not popular, but I believe it is right on point. My oldest is only three and even he is still too young for a lot of the other parenting advice out there. Most of the parenting stuff I come across is about how you can survive the baby/toddler years and then reason with an older child. Elizabeth, a mother of 10 herself, takes a totally different approach. She focuses on those young years as the prime foundation to raise a godly child.

Basically teach your child how to bend his will to his parent's will in those early years (how to honor his father and mother) and he will better know how to bend his will to God's will (honor God) in later years. As someone who never had to bend her will to her parent's as a child, I completely understand how difficult it is to learn this skill as an adult. It is something I constantly struggle with. I want better for my children. I'm not saying I think conforming to the will of God will be something my kids will never struggle with, but like most skills, it is easier if you learn it when you are young.

Another thing that was a total light bulb moment for me was when a child misbehaves Elizabeth advocates that you draw the child closer to you so you can watch him, rather than, as popular wisdom would say, send him to be alone in his room or in time-out. Elizabeth calls this "tomato staking":

Every gardener knows what I mean by "tomato staking". A tomato plant grows fast, big, and wild. If left untended, it soon sprawls out into an unwieldy heap. As the fruit grows, it weighs the plant down to the ground. Propping by this time is too late. Any attempt to retrain and redirect the growth of the branches will result in breakage and substantial loss of the fruit due to rot, disease, and pests.

On the other hand, a tomato plant which has been properly cared for, will produce an abundance of excellent fruit. From the beginning it must be watered, cultivated, pruned, fertilized, examined for pests, and staked up. The branches will grow the way they were propped and trained, and when the fruit is large and ripe the branches will have the strength to hold those beautiful tomatoes up off the wet ground. What a delight!
(Raising Godly Tomatoes by L. Elizabeth Krueger)

I believe she takes Attachment Parenting to its logical conclusion with Tomato Staking. A parent keeps the child close in order to properly train the child. This is where I think Dr. Sears drops the ball. Parent-child closeness is vitally important, but proximity and affection alone will not help your child grow to be a good adult. A parent must also consistently and continually teach the child proper behavior and proper attitudes that he or she should have as an adult. Tomato staking allows the parent to closely watch the child and to then correct and praise as necessary.

One of her more controversial ideas is the notion that "not all emotions, displayed freely, are good." Any emotion that would be abhorrent when displayed in an adult should be equally abhorrent and thus not tolerated in a child. She throws out this idea of "children will be children" and therefore we should let them have whatever behavior and attitude comes to them "by nature" and replaces it with the idea that parents must train their children to exhibit behavior and attitudes of a godly adult. Elizabeth also gives specific examples of how she and others seeking her advice have trained their children in the way they should go.

Elizabeth has recently had all her wise advice published in a book of the same name as the site, Raising Godly Tomatoes. She is giving away a copy of her book on Tiany's blog, Less Of Me~ More of Him, as a part of her two year Blogoversary Party. The book is by no means expensive to begin with, especially when you think of all the wonderful advice you get, but I just love the idea of possibly getting something free!
 

This past weekend we went to an extended family Christmas party. It was my father-in-law's family. He has lots of siblings. So, there were aunts, uncles and cousins galore--super fun. We do presents for all the kids and do a white elephant gift exchange for the adults. My son got this cute little sing-along book set. He is all into singing songs lately and so I was very excited for him to get this. The problem is the sing-along music comes on a cassette tape and we don't own a cassette player. We're all digital.

So, what am I going to do?

Here's what I've ruled out:

- Can't return it. I think it's second hand, and I don't mind that, but it means that there is no store to return it to.
- The songs aren't on iTunes.
- The internet tells me they don't make a CD version of this set with these songs.

What else?

I keep thinking of that Man and the Machine moment in Zoolander:

...but I don't think banging my cassette tape on my MacBook will help me get the songs inside the computer.

I finally did some Christmas shopping today. I'm on a super tight budget this year. I have six kids and four adults outside of the immediate family I have to buy for. I'm so excited that I found what I wanted for all the kids but one today, and that gift can be ordered online. I am not a fan of Christmas shopping. It just drains me. I had a friend go with me for moral support and crowd control. We have five kids between us. All boys, except baby Emma, and all age five or younger. We were a crazy group, but having my friend and her two boys with me was great. It definitely made the day of Christmas shopping not so draining. Another thing she was a great help with is finding bargains. She helped me figure out and find all my kid gifts and spend just under $80 for all six! 

We don't do much coloring in my house. I just don't have the tolerance for it. I don't like picking up little crayons that get strewn about, as they inevitably will be. I don't like little kids chewing on crayons. I don't like trying to get crayon marks off of things that aren't the designated coloring sheet. So, crayons are contraband in our house. They are a strictly controlled substance. And forget painting, are you kidding me?!

But now I feel that maybe I have been too rash in my de facto art ban. Micah, my second oldest, painted in preschool and it turned out really cool. Also, he was great with the art supplies. Micah was totally focused on putting color on paper.

Now I feel guilty for all the time he didn't get to play with crayons and the like just because his older brother is still a box dumping, crayon eating, property defacer. This is just one more in a long line of reminders that although they are related, my kids are each different people.

You do see the rabbit, right?

This Tami Family Thanksgiving Saturday was all about self forgiveness. I forgave myself and didn't worry that my children might be running my relatives ragged with all their little energy. I forgave myself and didn't worry that Emma was cranky most of the day and I let my relatives futilely try to comfort her as I relaxed. I forgave myself and let Micah thoroughly enjoy his Thanksgiving meal by squishing his hands in it, smearing it all over himself and eating as much as he wanted along the way. I forgave myself (and Joel) and didn't worry that Joel wet his pants twice today because he was having so much fun he forgot to go to the bathroom. Really, I felt like one of the men on this holiday. When a kid screamed I wasn't the first to get up. When a diaper needed to be changed I waited for volunteers. I even sat down and watched football with all the fellas (BTW, I cannot believe that Kentucky could not pull out the win against Tennessee and now Georgia won't get to be in the SEC championship game!). I don't plan on being so self-forgiving every year, but man, it was fun this year.

My family celebrates Thanksgiving on a different day from the rest of America. Their Thanksgiving will be Saturday. I'll get back to you about that on Saturday. Today was Thanksgiving at my in-law's. The spread was beautiful and delicious, the house looked great, and my mother-in-law did a wonderful job as hostess. Now, I consider myself a good parent to my children and I believe I am talented in many ways, but in many of the traditional homemaker skills I am sorely lacking. I always get all inadequate feeling around food and decorating holidays. The more important food and decorating is to the holiday, the more I tend to clam up at gatherings. I'm working on ways to get past this, but for now, it is what it is. So, as wonderful as this holiday is and should be for me, I never come home feeling that way.

It didn't help that this year the baby (the little baby) woke up with a fever and so she was cranky most of the day. The other baby (the big baby--no, not my husband) did his usual stunt routine and proceeded to trip and fall and wail the whole time. This routine is very jarring for people not around him often. And my three-year-old? Well, he's three. He is pushing every boundary out there.

I wanted to write a thankfulness post today, but I'm just not feeling it right now. And I know that should be all the more reason to write about my thankfulness, but I just gotta purge a little frustration first. I'm thankful that I have a place to do that. :)

A friend of mine is trying to startup a photography business. When she offered to take some free pictures of my family for practice I gladly accepted. Here are some of my favorite pictures of the kids.