18 posts tagged “babies”

I just discovered the blog "Et tu?" The Diary of a Former Atheist and read her post How I became pro-life. Coming from an environment where pro-choice seemed like the right choice and then going on my own journey to becoming pro-life this post really resonated with me. Here's an excerpt:

The message I'd heard loud and clear was that the purpose of sex was for pleasure and bonding, that its potential for creating life was purely tangential, almost to the point of being forgotten about altogether. This mindset laid the foundation of my views on abortion. Because I saw sex as being closed to the possibility to life by default, I thought of pregnancies that weren't planned as akin to being struck by lightning while walking down the street -- something totally unpredictable, undeserved, that happened to people living normal lives.

Being pro-choice for me (and I'd imagine with many others) was actually motivated out of love and caring: I just didn't want women to have to suffer, to have to devalue themselves by dealing with unwanted pregnancies. Because it was an inherent part of my worldview that everyone except people with "hang-ups" eventually has sex and sex is, under normal circumstances, only about the relationship between the two people involved, I got lured into one of the oldest, biggest, most tempting lies in human history: to dehumanize the enemy. Babies had become the enemy because of their tendencies to pop up and ruin everything; and just as societies are tempted to dehumanize the fellow human beings who are on the other side of the lines in wartime, so had I, and we as a society, dehumanized the enemy of sex.

I read a book in college called Ordinary Men: Reserve Police Battalion 101 and the Final Solution in Poland by Christopher R. Browning. The book tells the story of how average people came to commit savage acts of inhumanity by the end of WWII through historical accounts and documents. I was again reminded of this book when I read this:

I was reading yet another account of the Greek societies in which newborn babies were abandoned to die, wondering to myself how normal people could possibly do something like that. I felt a chill rush through my body as I thought:

I know how they did it.

I realized in that moment that perfectly good, well-meaning people -- people like me -- can support very evil things through the power of lies.

"Perfectly good, well-meaning people" is absolutely right. To believe that the pro-choice community hates babies or hates families is ridiculous. The pro-choice mindset often comes from a position of compassion. The blog author, Jennifer F., touches on this in greater detail and makes a lot of other great points. The entire post is definitely worth a read.

For those of you have had a hospital (or outside of your home) birth, what were some of your favorite or essential items to pack?

As usual, I started to write a comment for someone's post and it just got way too long. So, I decided to write my own post.

My favorite hospital bag items:

• Carmex - my favorite lip balm, my lips always got so dry
• Snacks for Dad - "Don't you dare leave this room to go to a vending machine!"
• Cash - for who knows what (there's always something) just in case
• iPod & compact iPod Speakers - I'm not a fan of the headphones during labor and I didn't like just bringing CD's, because I didn't know what I wanted to listen to until I got there.
• Tube of Lanolin - I'm a firm believer in preventative nipple care. I don't wait until I start to feel sore. I use it after every feeding for at least the first 2 - 4 weeks. I've had difficulty with breastfeeding and that stuff has been a lifesaver for me.
  
• Preemie Clothes - I had big kids (two 8 lb, 14 oz, one 8 lbs, 9oz) and none of them fit in their 0-3 months clothes until about 6 weeks, and definitely not at the hospital. I have no idea what actual preemie moms do for clothes. After my first I made sure to bring preemie clothes to the hospital so the baby looked cute in all the pictures.
• A Gender Neutral Coming Home Outfit - Maybe it's just me, but I was always paranoid of being surprised on delivery day. So, I bring, as an extra outfit, a simple white sleeper for the baby (for pictures) just in case.
• "Adult Diaper" style underwear - I know this sounds weird (and TMI), but there can be a fair amount of blood for a time (6 weeks after my first, 2 weeks after my last) after you give birth and basically I just got sick of things leaking (on my underwear, clothes, sheets, etc). I read somewhere on a mom message board a recommendation to use these and they worked great, much better than any pad, etc. combination I could think of.
• Forgiving Clothes Home - No one really knows what they are going to look like or what size they will be immediately postpartum. So, bring clothes for you to wear home that are stretchy (like elastic waist stretchy, not like leotard kind of stretchy) and forgiving. When I went home from the hospital I always looked like I was still 5 to 6 months pregnant. Also, don't be afraid to wear your maternity clothes for as long as you want to/need to postpartum. My youngest is nine months old and I wore a maternity shirt just yesterday (and no one gave a second glance). The idea of still wearing maternity clothes even though I wasn't pregnant gave me a lot of heart ache after my first birth, but after my third I just embraced it and was much happier as a result (btw, I'm now about the same weight as before I started having kids, so it's not necessarily a weight issue, it's a how the clothes fit issue).

Obviously there's more stuff that can be packed (and more stuff I did pack), but these were some of my most key items. What about you?
 

I've finally gotten to see this movie. Wow. Having gone through three hospital births there were so many moments in the movie where I was like "yes, exactly." When they talk about the domino effect of hospital interventions, in my experience that is extremely true. Just stupid things like "let's start the IV, just in case." After that it is SO EASY to pump in a drug based on an expert authority's recommendation.

I saw it on DVD and there was some extra footage that I image you wouldn't get to see in the theater. In one of the followup interviews with a homebirth couple the mother talks about how she reached a point in her labor that if there were pain medications available, she would have taken them. What the homebirth midwife refers in the movie to as a "rock and a hard place." Man, I know that place! The homebirth mother says "but I had it easy, I was at home." Wow. She set herself up in an environment where she could get through the pain, the worst pain, without medication and she did. She went on to talk about how she could freely move around, remove all her clothes because nothing felt comfortable (she said her mother kept giving her a robe for modesty's sake--heh!), and squat whenever and wherever she wanted, because she was at home. Even if the hospital "officially" says you can do that, that's just not how things happen. I remember going to a hospital childbirth class before my first child was born and seeing a video of this woman with no clothes on in labor moving around, squating and doing all kinds of stuff in a hospital room. When I got to that same hospital in labor I most certainly did not get "let's change your position to manage your pain," I got "let's start an IV, let's strap this monitor to you and this monitor to you, now lift your legs I need to check you, lie down on your back...."

I got a taste of what a natural birth is like with my last birth, because my epidural did not work. I managed my pain, a drug did not. Don't misunderstand, at that moment I really wanted that drug to manage my pain, but that just wasn't how things played out. I have a history of that also.  With my first birth I had partial numbing on one side and with my second I had an tolerable level of numbing from the epidural. I have never been one of those people that as a result of an epidural couldn't feel or move her legs. No, I was always in pain, just less pain (sometimes). Because of this history, I mentally prepared myself to (as I told myself) "not loose your marbles" if the epidural doesn't work. "Keep your game face on."

This last time I told the staff clearly and repeatedly that the epidural wasn't working. When the staff started feeding me the all too familiar lines "give it 20 minutes, lay on your back, lay on your left side, lay on your right side, bla, bla, bla" I thought "I'm not doing this again." I gave it five minutes of excruciating, lying on my back pain and sat up and said "This is ridiculous." The nurse then scolded me and said "Well, it's never going to work now because you're sitting up and the medicine is just going to all go to your bottom" (whatever that means!). So I said "It's NOT working. I have to deal with this and I can't lying on my back. I don't care." And it was not discussed again.

Since then I've discussed my history with epidurals with a few different health care providers and they seem to think that (as I understand it) pain medicine runs through me pretty quick. I never thought to correlate the two until after, but I also have a history of dentists not believing me when I tell them "I can still feel that!" and then give me line "it's just pressure." You gotta love that. Right, like I (along with everyone else on the planet) don't know what pain is. Anyway, even though I did have pain medicine and IV fluids (and who knows what else) in me I still got that super high after the birth that I didn't get with the other births. I just remember feeling like I have to get up and go. I have things to do and energy to do it. I guess it was because I had to deal with the pain and I was dealing with the pain. I had a lot of pain with my first birth, but I wasn't dealing with it, things were very much out of control for me. I felt like I was being dragged along to places I did not want to go with my first birth. I clearly remember after my first birth having a very fearful and shell-shocked notion of "I don't know if I can do this again." Thankfully, time heals a lot.

I still don't know if homebirth is something I can/will do in the future. But after seeing this movie and doing some more reading on it (both pro and con), I know at least some part of me really wants to. 

My family celebrates Thanksgiving on a different day from the rest of America. Their Thanksgiving will be Saturday. I'll get back to you about that on Saturday. Today was Thanksgiving at my in-law's. The spread was beautiful and delicious, the house looked great, and my mother-in-law did a wonderful job as hostess. Now, I consider myself a good parent to my children and I believe I am talented in many ways, but in many of the traditional homemaker skills I am sorely lacking. I always get all inadequate feeling around food and decorating holidays. The more important food and decorating is to the holiday, the more I tend to clam up at gatherings. I'm working on ways to get past this, but for now, it is what it is. So, as wonderful as this holiday is and should be for me, I never come home feeling that way.

It didn't help that this year the baby (the little baby) woke up with a fever and so she was cranky most of the day. The other baby (the big baby--no, not my husband) did his usual stunt routine and proceeded to trip and fall and wail the whole time. This routine is very jarring for people not around him often. And my three-year-old? Well, he's three. He is pushing every boundary out there.

I wanted to write a thankfulness post today, but I'm just not feeling it right now. And I know that should be all the more reason to write about my thankfulness, but I just gotta purge a little frustration first. I'm thankful that I have a place to do that. :)

Emma's not sleeping through the night, which is not a huge deal usually. I don't really expect her to sleep through the night right now. I mean, if she does, great, but if not, I've got my routine down pretty well that allows me to deal with not getting eight (five!) hour stretches of sleep at one time. But on days that I don't get any kind of nap during the day I'm pretty well dead by the end of the day, which is right about now. So I'm going to bed to (hopefully!) get some sleep.

I got my first postpartum period recently. So, I'm starting my first month of Natural Family Planning. I'm a little nervous and a little excited about it. I've read two books and taken a course. I should be able to do this, right? I will say that I was pretty sure when I was about to start my period this go around by noticing the body signs stuff I learned through NFP. My prediction was only off by one day (early) for when I would start. Not too bad for someone who has never done this. I decided to use the rules in The Art of Natural Family Planning book, but use the chart from Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I'm kind of bummed my postpartum amenorrhea didn't last longer, but I will admit that I did (do) use a pacifier and I didn't get to have a daily nap-feeding as often as I would have liked, which are both things that help extend your natural infertility after giving birth. For those of you interested here's the full list:

1. Do exclusive breastfeeding for the first six months of life; don't use other liquids and solids.
2. Pacify your baby at your breasts.
3. Don't use bottles and pacifiers.
4. Sleep with your baby for night feedings.
5. Sleep with your baby for a daily-nap feeding.
6. Nurse frequently day and night, and avoid schedules.
7. Avoid any practice that restricts nursing or separates you from your baby.
source: The Art of Natural Family Planning by John F. Kippley and Sheila K. Kippley

This go around I was really trying to avoid the pacifier. Not because I think it's bad for the kid, but really because I was interested in prolonging my postpartum amenorrhea. And, I thought, it doesn't harm her by not having a pacifier (some would argue it actually benefits her to not have a pacifier). I tried, I really tried, but as strange as it may seem, there were times that she did not want to be pacified at the breast and in a moment of desperation I gave her a pacifier and she liked it. So I would remove the pacifier and try to give her the breast, and she would cry again. I tried that a number of times, but had the same outcome. So, I figured, I understand what I'm doing and there are worse things in life than having your period come back early.

It's official, I've got an Amazon Baby. She's over 90th percentile on everything.

It's funny my first born, who weighed the same as her at birth, was always right at the 50th percentile. My second, who only weighed five ounces less at birth, was always at the lower end, around 25th percentile.

I went to a restaurant last night* and astonished a lady when I told her the baby was only six weeks old. Before this happened I would have thought I would be offended by her reaction (it was a big reaction), but when it actually happened I loved it. I just smiled and thought "yep, that's my fat, breastfed baby!" That's the thing, I think it would have freaked me out if she were formula fed. I've had varying degrees of success at breastfeeding with my other two children and both of them were eventually formula fed. If I'd been formula feeding her (and didn't already have the experience of two other kids to lean on) I'd have worries of overfeeding her, but you can't overfeed a breastfed baby. She just eats what she eats and that's the right amount for her.

*I hate going to restaurants lately. I have a three-year-old, a one-year-old and a newborn. It's not that my kids are terrors in the restaurant. They are actually pretty well behaved, but that still means telling my three-year-old to sit down and eat his food a few times, wrestle my one-year-old back into his high chair a few times (those stupid, futile buckles never hold him in) and make sure he has a never ending supply of finger foods while also consoling and nursing the baby. She always wants to cluster feed between 7 p.m. and 10 p.m. When do you think we go to restaurants? She's also a little fussy during that time. I never get to eat in the restaurant. I always take a box home. Great, cold (reheated) expensive food. This was a good idea?

I've never really considered myself to be the (excuse the term) "crunchy hippie" type, but lately it just seems like I keep having experiences that make it look that way.

I'm currently 33 weeks along and my belly is big. I mean it's really big, but that's normal for me. Both my kids have been over eight pounds at birth. Also, I'm short; there's just no place for my belly to expand except out. I look pretty uncomfortable, and well, I am pretty uncomfortable.

So, kind of out of the blue today my midwife suggests that I can schedule an induction at 38 weeks if I'm really uncomfortable. Uncomfortable!? It's pregnancy, of course it's uncomfortable, but not as uncomfortable as having a baby too early. I know 38 weeks is technically term, but I trust my body to know better than me or the doctor if everything is done cooking (so to speak). It just felt so weird me telling the medical professional that "No, I'm ok waiting until I go into labor naturally." I mean, it's one thing to schedule an induction if there's a compelling medical reason, but I hardly see being uncomfortable as compelling. I've been blessed to be able to have both my kids vaginally (sorry to pull out the v-word, guys) without having to be induced. It makes me nervous to do anything that would possibly interfere with that track record.

I don't mean to paint an overly negative picture of the practice or this midwife. I've actually been very happy there and with her, but this was just a weird experience for me.

That's right there will finally be another female added to the household. Now we just have to figure out names.