My (unsolicited) Advice on Bunches of Baby Things

Recently I've had the pleasure of being around a number of people who are about to or have just recently embarked into the realm of new parenthood. Naturally, I'm thrilled for them, but I find myself having to choke back the words of unsolicited advice. The problem is I remember how much I hated unsolicited advice and I'm trying really hard not to be that person, but I swear it's a compulsion. I almost can't help but to spill out all sort of information I wish I knew when I was in their spot. So, in an effort to purge myself of the urge to dole out unsolicited advice, I'm just going to write it all down here. If it's useful to you, wonderful, I'm thrilled to be helpful. If not, that's ok too. You do what's right for your family.

Labor

• If an unmedicated labor is something that you want, it's a good idea to try to surround yourself with people who have your same ideas and not people who will be offering pain medication (unsolicited) at every contraction.
  
• Also, one of the most painful positions to be in (which hospitals love to put you in) is what I call the "dead cockroach" position of lying flat on your back. Don't do it (or at least try to be in that position as little as possible) or you will loose your marbles because of how painful it is. Sit up, stand up, squat, rock, whatever you need to do to mitigate the pain, but lying on your back is a bad idea as far as dealing with pain.
  
• However, pain medicine is not the devil. Labor is extremely painful and you do what you need to do to get through it with a healthy mom and healthy baby. If you need it, take it.
• Once you are past the 35/36 week mark don't rush off to the hospital at the first sign of labor. For most people with full term babies the first labor is really long. Once you go to the hospital they put you on sort of a time table and if you don't progress the way they think you should, you could end up with a c-section for "failure to progress". If you labor at home as long as possible, you shorten your hospital labor time and by the time you get there you seem to be "progressing nicely".
• BEFORE the 35/36 week mark, DO RUSH off to the doctor/hospital if you suspect pre-term labor. I went in at least once for each one of my kids. Sometimes I was genuinely showing signs of pre-term labor and sometimes not. I always joked that I needed an extra tour of the Labor and Delivery unit before each of my kids births. Taking care of a preemie is no joke every and every moment in the womb helps.
  
• A c-section is always a real possibility that you should prepare for, so that you won't freak out if it happens to you.  Focus on healthy mom and healthy baby, but at the same time it's ok to be sad if the birth doesn't go the way you wanted. Being sad the birth didn't go the way you wanted doesn't make you bad parents or mean you love your child any less.
• Assuming the baby is healthy and term, don't rush out to talk to the family immediately after the baby is born. They've waited this long, they can wait another 30 minutes to an hour while you have some quiet first moments with your baby. You can never have those first moments back, family can wait.

• At very least try breastfeeding. Listen, I'm raising my hand as someone who has struggled with breastfeeding and has formula fed. I know what it is like to be up in the middle of the night, feeling completely alone, bleary eyed, in extreme pain from a bad latch with a screaming baby that you desperately want to feed. I've been there. I guess my breastfeeding advice is more of ways to avoid getting to that point. Do try breastfeeding. Any breastfeeding you can give your baby is a good thing.
  
• The first thing you want to do with your baby when you first hold him/her is not meet your friends and family, but is to try to breastfeed. Remember those first quiet moments I talked about, breastfeeding is one of the things you want to do in those moment.
• Lanolin is your friend! In the beginning use it after every feeding to prevent soreness (or worse). Use it compulsively after every feeding until you are super certain that you and baby have established a good latch and breastfeeding is going well (1-2 months at least). Although lanolin does provide some relief after you've developed sore, crack, etc. nipples, in my opinion it works much better as a preventive measure.
  
• In the early days be prepared to nurse, nurse, nurse. Just go ahead and resign yourself that at this point in time you are a milk maid and don't fight it. Throw out ideas like "but he just ate" or "you can't be hungry again". This is the way newborns eat. They have a tiny tummy and breastmilk is quickly absorbed. It's normal.
  
• To establish a good milk supply be prepared to nurse on demand. No, not even "on demand"; nurse on whim. In the early days put the newborn to your breast for every ailment. Ok, not every problem will be solved by the breast. You will have to change some diapers and burp the baby, but really, for a newborn, the breast really does solve most problems. Nurse, nurse, nurse. It's normal.
• You won't ruin your baby by allowing him to nurse all the time. This is the way our bodies work. It's normal.
  

• Caring for a newborn is a somewhat different from caring for what most people think of when they think of babies, which is about a six month old. Six month olds are all chubby, smiley and interactive. Newborns are not. You will give yourself a lot of heart ache if you try to treat your newborn like a six month old. By this I mean, don't stress about schedules and sleeping habits. All that will sort itself out in time. Right now just following your baby's lead.
  
• Newborns want to have a clean bottom, eat, sleep and be cuddled, especially with mommy. Everything else at this point is just gravy.
  
• Newborns do not sleep through the night.  If you by some blessing get a child who will sleep for long periods (after about two weeks of age), enjoy it. But if your child is like most and won't sleep through the night for a while, try not to stress over it, and realize that it's normal.
• Let the baby sleep wherever the baby likes to sleep (safely of course). If the baby likes sleeping in the swing, bouncy seat, stroller, car seat, who cares that the baby is not sleeping in his crib, he is sleeping and so should you. Don't worry, allowing your baby to sleep wherever he wants to won't ruin your baby.
• Co-sleeping is a wonderful way to get some extra sleep in the beginning. Did you ever think that you would be able to multi-task in your sleep? Well, now you can feed the baby and catch up on your sleep all at the same time. 
• Mom's only job in the beginning is taking care of the baby and taking care of herself. Dishes, laundry, house cleaning, older kids, etc. are all the job of husband and whoever else wants to help. You feed the baby, feed yourself, sleep and try to get a shower every now and again.
  
• The best way to start calming a crying baby is to calm yourself. Remember those skills that allowed you to get through those awful labor contractions? Those are the same skills that allows you to calm yourself while holding a screaming baby. I'm not saying it's easy, but I am saying it's possible.
  

• Remember you're doing a good job. Let yourself ease into this new role.
• Let your husband find his own way with the baby. Don't micromanage him. Let him do things his way. Even if it's all wrong and that's just going to make the baby cry, leave him to it. He'll figure out his own way just like you (and you'll be glad he did!).
• Find what works for your family and do that. If no one you know of co-sleeps, but co-sleeping is working wonderfully for you, then co-sleep. And on the flip side, if you are surrounded by people that say co-sleeping is the most wonderful thing, but it's not working for you, don't do it.
  
• Trust your instincts. Remember you know your child best. You can pick up on a lot of things that others can't.