Tami’s Neighborhood

I've been busy, but still want to try to keep on blogging at least occasionally.  I've just ran out of blogging steam for the moment.  I tried joining a couple of groups like Tami recommended, but with both groups, no-one ever posted again after I posted!  Maybe its the groups I choose -  stop smoking now and avoidant personality disorder ( I think they're avoiding me).  So, for now at least, I'll just kind of use this as a journaling type thing and not be concerned with "sharing ideas with others".  Still not smoking!!!!  

I was glad to find this group.  I hope some members are still posting and active in this group.  I am very anxious to share with other people who are reclusive.  I copied a post from my own VOX blog to kind of introduce myself here. And since the following post is pretty long, I will keep this one short. I have done some internet research on my reclusiveness and I have diagnosed myself as schizoid. I’m not really anti-social - I like and care about people and society. And I don’t have social anxiety - I don’t get panicked or scared if I have to go out in public. I just strongly prefer to avoid people/society as much as possible. People who come to my parents home probably think of me as “the strange daughter that never comes out of her room”.  But, the few people who do know me well can tell you what a wonderful person I am!! 

Dana just called me.  Her Dad died around 2:00 this afternoon.  It all happened so fast.  

I joined one of the VOX groups today called Stop Smoking Now.  So this is a post mainly for that group, but also for the one or two people who read my blog, just to let them know how the quitting thing is going.  I am still doing good!!  I do have to admit though, there have been some tough times.  But I am fighting for my life, so I will win the battle with the evil nicotine monster this time.  I also have to admit that I have been using the nicotine patches, I wish I didn't feel like I need them, because, in a way, they are still keeping me addicted to nicotine.  Soon though, I will feel strong enough to do without them.  I went to my son's house to babysit Wednesday and left the house without grabbing any patches, so I have experienced one day without them.  That was one of the tough times I mentioned.  But another strategy occurred to me. The most difficult urge I was dealing with was the thought that I just need one cigarette. One is not going to hurt me. It doesn't mean I'm going to give up, etc. I JUST WANT ONE!!! But then I realized that the answer to that was: "So what am I thinking. First, I know just one will hurt, that is how I have always started back in the past, even after being quit for almost a year. Second, just one will not HELP at all either. What? If I smoke "just one" I'm not going to be craving just as bad two hours from now? Bull! Of course I will. If I am serious about quitting, then just one is not going to do a damn thing for me, so ignore that trick from the monster too. Remember, he is evil and trying to kill you. Best wishes to Rik and all the group.

My daughter Tami invited me to join VOX back in 2006. I have always tried to think of something to write about, but just couldn't really come up with anything. Now I can't stop thinking of things I want to reflect upon and write about. It's good for the psyche. Even if no one ever reads it. Do people read your postings? If so - who, how and why? I'm pretty sure that most of the people I tell about this will probably read at least some of my posts - maybe until they get bored. But what about the whole world? Who else in the world would read this? Kind of interesting to consider, well, for me, at least. Which brings me to the topic of this post... ME. Which in turn, raises another interesting consideration - if only the people who know me are reading this, then what's the point? They already know me and my circumstances. Regardless, I want to write this and that is all the reason I need. I'm a 50 year old, single, granny who does not work. I mentioned in my first post that I was unemployed. That is my main topic here. I have this inexplicable need to justify this to the world. It's just not normal for a single person not to earn money and support themselves. But it really works out good in my situation. I have no bills (or home of my own for that matter). My parents pay for my cell phone, and I drive my Dad's second car.  I try to be as low-cost as possible (really I do) to my entire family who all support me. My Mom is disabled, so I try to be as much help as possible to her and live there most of the time. I have my own little room, well, it's a pretty big room, sort of like mother-in-law accommodations: my own entrance & plenty of privacy. I also have 2 married children. One has 2 children and the other has 3 with one on the way. I try to provide free, anytime baby-sitting whenever they need me. My sister has 2 teenagers that sometimes need taxi service here and there. And due to recent circumstances, for the time being at least, I'll be driving my sister back and forth to work. Whoever I happen to be staying with at the time feeds me and Mom constantly gives me pocket money which I spend mostly on large sweet ice teas at drive-thrus when traveling from one place to another and previously, on cigarettes. I am so lucky to have an awesome daughter and daughter-in-law. Neither one exploits my offer of free, anytime baby-sitting and they never fight over me or put me on the spot as to who gets me at any given time. I actually think they need to utilize me more often. My daughter is a SAHM and my daughter-in-law is a working Mom. Both need more "me time" in my opinion. In fact, my whole family is so good to me and I hope I am providing a much needed and much appreciated service to them as well. There are, of course, drawbacks to not working. I have no money. I have had to give up shopping altogether. Not that I miss going to stores - I am one of those oddball people who really, really avoids any contact with society as much as possible. In fact, given the opportunity, I would probably never leave my room, except to go outside (I live in the country and love nature). Thank goodness my family cares enough not to give me that opportunity. I do miss shopping online though. When I did work, I was a machine operator who always requested 3rd shift - less need for human interaction that way. And the main disadvantage to unemployment is no health insurance. That's a little worrisome. But overall, I am living my ideal life and am honestly trying to give as much as I receive.

I have too much I want to write and I keep having to stop for one reason or another. First, an update - Dana's dad opened his eyes and squeezed everyone's hand!!!!! Thank you Lord, thank you! He even raised his thumb when asked to. I know this doesn't mean he will have a full recovery, but no matter what the future holds, this is something to be thankful for. 

How long have I had this blog site?  A year or so?  I can't even remember.  But I finally feel the need to write. Hopefully, I will start making more frequent entries after this. Actually, I have 2 things I need to write about.